My Journey to My Family

Distractions are needed in life. Whether they are distractions from work, distractions from school, or from life. They are needed on occasion. Sometimes things are too hard to accept so we need to busy our mind with something else so we do not go crazy. Today was that for me.  My mom took me shopping. I needed a day with my mom. Sometimes you just need time to be with the one who knows you best. She has been there for me my entire life. She has loved me through thick and thin. She knows that things are hard for me right now and she showed me how much she cares. We went shopping, got lunch, talked. It was nice and easy.  Yes, we talked about the things I'm going through. She did not once talk down to me or thing I was being stupid. She listened and understood. She was there. I can never thank heavenly father enough for the wonderful mom I was blessed with. She gets me through so much. She loves me no matter my flaws. I am so grateful for her. She gave me that distra...

I have been having some emotional days lately. I have no reason to be so emotional, but I am all over the place. The one thing that I was looking forward to was going to the temple. I was planning on being able to feel the peace of heavenly father and know he loves me. But I got the dates wrong and was not able to enter...  Needless to say it was my tipping point. I went and sat on a bench near the temple and cried. I cried for what felt like hours... it was really only about 5 minutes. While I was crying, I prayed. I prayed that I would find peace. That things would work out for me. That I would be happy again. I got a strong feeling to call my grandma. I tried to call her and I had no answer.  I drove home feeling as though I had felt a little bit of his presence. My husband said he was going to give me all the snuggles when I got home. Which I did. He also went out and got me some ice cream... which I am not supposed to have... my husband is the best man, he che...

I feel like no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to feel better there is always that feeling of hopelessness inside. I try to move on, distract myself from my feelings. Each time those feelings rise up and take over me. I don't know how to control these feelings. I don't know how to feel okay again.  Sometimes I think about going to a therapist, someone that is able to figure out what is wrong with me and help me understand why I am feeling the way I am. Sometimes I want to curl up in my bed and never leave. Other times I have no cares in the world and can accomplish anything! Each morning I have no clue what version of my self I am going to be.  What gets me through all of this is my husband, prayer, and relaxation. I need alot of this all the time. I feel guilty about how often I have to rely on these things. How often I bring this up, or how often I think about it. I get mad at myself a lot. It's been hard. I don't feel like myself anymore. I fee...

When people go through trials most of the time they start to have doubts. They start to doubt themselves, their choices, and in Heavenly Father. During this trial I have never once doubted that my Heavenly Father lives.  Everytime that I am feeling down, or sad he has brought me peace. He has helped me feel loved. He has shown me that I matter. I am important and meant to be on this earth. I will have a family one day. I know that all of this is true! All thanks to his love. I have faith that everything is supposed to happen the way it is meant to.  I had a realization yesterday. One of the reasons I am not pregnant yet is because Tosh wouldn't be done with school yet. He graduates in the Spring and if we had gotten pregnant earlier this year we would have had the baby during his final semester. Heavenly father knows what we can and cannot handle. I know he is watching over us and just telling us soon. Now that the temples have reopened we have been able to go back. We have fe...

I have been having some really hard days lately. Days where I just feel down and depressed. I had a really good friend tell me to write out all the blessings in my life and everything that I am grateful for! This morning has been rough, so here is my list!  Tosh my wonderful husband. Dipper the best dog in the world. My parents the people who made me into the person I am today.  My brothers my best friends for life.  My in-laws the family I never knew I needed. Jesus the man who listens when no one else will. Heavenly Father the man who loves me unconditionally and has a plan for me. My marco polo group the friends that are helping me through a hard time. Makenzie the friend that stands by me no matter what. Coworkers who help me no matter what. A house over my head. My body for working hard to repair itself. My aunts for listening to me and offering advice. Modern Medicine for having a plan for me. Prayer for being a way to communicate with my Heavenly Father...

 When you have something big happen in your life it is super important to have someone you feel comfortable with to talk with. I have found so many wonderful people to talk to! I have people that have been through what I have, people who are going though what I am, and people who have not been through it.  I have a friend group that we talk with everyday! They have been my lifeline! They are always there for me when I am needing someone to vent to or complain. Those days that I am feeling completely lost they are able to bring me back. They can help me look at the positives of my life. We keep each other accountable for making sure we look at the positives everyday and do something active. This has helped me not drown in depression and sadness. I am so glad that we have each other.  I have two amazing people that have already been through what I have been through! One of them is my friend Kaylee. She has been trying for a baby for five years with no success. She has sever...

After finding out I had to lose 20 pounds in three months I decided to go on Keto. When I am given a challenge like this I am one who will go the extra mile and do everything in my power to achieve it.  My doctor put me on Metformin which would help regulate my insulin, but if I did not eat in a more healthy way it could make me really sick. So I decided to change my eating life style.  After I got home from the doctor's appointment I was devastated. I always knew my weight was not healthy but hearing it from someone that I needed to lose weight to have a baby was so hard on me. I immediately went home and called my mom. She had no clue we were trying up to this point... (we wanted it to be a surprise). She helped me calm down and immediately got to work helping me meal plan. My mom had been on keto for 2 years at this point. So she helped show me they way. She has been everything to me through this change in my lifestyle. If I even consider cheating She helps talk me out of i...

I have never had regular periods and I have always had problems with my weight. I never worried about any of this as a teen. I only started to worry when I was in my first year of college. I had gone about six months without having my period. Then when it did start it lasted for three weeks! My doctor just put me on birth control and said I would be fine. It would regulate me.  Birth control did help. I became regular and didn't have any concerns. I still was over weight but it did not matter.  Then I married my husband. We were both still going to school and were living in an apartment so we were not ready to start trying for a baby.  After a year of marriage we were in a house, I had graduated and started teaching. We decided to start trying so I went off my birth control. I had a strong feeling we would get pregnant right away and would be expanding our family within the year. Little did I know...  We started trying in December of 2020. I thought I was...

Hello all!  I am Erin. I am 25, I teach 9th grade math, and I have been married to my wonderful husband for two years. We have the cutest puppy named Dipper. And I was recently diagnosed with PCOS.  I want to start this blog to have an outlet for all of my feelings. I want it to be a place where anyone who is going through the same thing or something similar can come to know that they are not alone. This has been hard on me physically and mentally. I will survive this, but it is going to be hard. So can you!