What is Real?

The two week period of not knowing can be the worst... you have to as patient as can be. The not knowing can kill you. You start to imagine things. You google constantly. One little things happens to you and you start to wonder is this it???

This is my life right now. Except I am taking a hold of the stress and fear and trying to manage it the best I can. I have prayed on it. I have started a new breathing regimen for when things get overwhelming. Right now I have started to not put myself in situations where I can feel that pain. 

I have decided that patience is important. I need to have patience in order to live my life. Yes I would love to just be know all and be happy. This is not how the world works. I am doing my best to get there though. I am going to the temple to feel closer to heavenly father. I am keeping my mind occupied and busy so I don't stress. 

It's the little things that help me. I finished a book today. It was a great distraction. I showered my husband with gifts because he has finals. I am focusing on others rather than my self. 

Yet, I keep thinking about every little thing my body does. Have I ever felt a cramp like that? My boobs have never hurt like this? Have they? My back hurts most of the time, but is it usually like this? Oh wait! Was that nausea? 

I am hoping to be nauseous. I want to feel that. I hear people complain about it while being pregnant, when I wish I could just have some of it. But right now I have been okay. I have been breathing a lot more and realizing that things are supposed to work out the way they are supposed to. Tomorrow I will go to the temple. I do not expect to get some grand answer, all I am hoping for is a peace of mind through out all of this.